Transition and Celebration of Void Mind State

The beginning of a new academic year

2009-09-03T12:50:00.000-07:00

This is the start of the new academic year, and with it, lots of different things are afoot.

I will be teaching a couple of class sections this term on physicality, the body, movement and technology, and (of course) electronic performance art. I was told today that I am one of the primary researchers in my program in physicality, and so I was the best fit for these lectures. Should be fun!

The kavadi project is moving forward again, starting next week. The project is slow moving, as is the suspension project, as I've been busy working on grant proposals, project proposals, and in general, recovering from a busy year. I'll be posting again pretty regularly now, so get ready for new art weirdness!

Kavadi pictures 2

2009-05-18T19:23:00.000-07:00

Photos by Linda Zhang, 2009. Thanks, Lin!!!

Kavadi rig performance prototype

2009-05-17T15:14:00.000-07:00

This was the first run of a new performance/instrument prototype I"m working on. This version used Galvanic Skin Response sensors to control video. The next one will use a constant current in my body of audio signal.

bikestra pt 2

2009-05-03T13:17:00.001-07:00

Circuit Bent Bikestra

2009-05-03T13:09:00.000-07:00

Been a while, but still here

2009-04-26T08:13:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I posted here. I was working on my PhD qualifying examinations, and the creative side of things had to drift off for a short while. I passed.

So here is the current trajectory: I'm working on a hand made myograph (muscle monitoring system) and building a personal kavadi rig to use in a performance. I'll be wearing the rig and using the myograph as a control system in the performance. This will happen in about two weeks time from now.

May 1 I have a performance that is low key- with my glove system from a year ago. It will be great to use it again, though it isn't exactly what I want to work with. The system needs to be redesigned, which I am planning on doing this summer. Things are busy, as usual.

My body is pretty much recovered from the surgery and medical issues from December and January, so the body project will get going again pretty soon. I'll keep you up to date.

Still from video's for Seattle

2009-03-26T21:55:00.001-07:00

Seattle Time

2009-03-23T13:40:00.001-07:00

I'm in Seattle this week to work on the project ab: from/to today. It is a collaborative project with Jürg Koch and I. This is a still from todays rehearsal:

We've also started a blog for it so that we can keep people up to date with the project happenings. It premiers this June at Northwest New Works at On the Boards.

Body Electric, II

2009-03-18T17:46:00.000-07:00

My class Body Electric is amazing. I truly love talking about my concepts with a really skilled artist and electronics technician.

The next project is going to be a prototype of the Kavadi rig. Woot! Wait, did I do that, seriously? In any case, it is going to be amazing. The exciting thing is that by the end of this class I may have figured out a way to bypass the transducer and figure out how to make me a transducer. Subcutaneous nerve stimulation may be the key to that. We shall see.

New treats: Will be building a muscle monitor system and muscle stimulant unit in the next month. I will be rigged out for electricity like none other. Okay, so that isn't true, but I will be the DIY body electric grrrrlll of the future. It will be lovely.

I will video the kavadi rig if it is possible and post it. The whole project will be divine.

light work 1

2009-03-11T12:30:00.000-07:00

These photos are from a prototype installation from this week. It is currently untitled, and is a work in progress. The media that I am working in for it is light, mirror, rope, wood, plastic, and milk.

New Release!

2009-02-21T13:22:00.000-08:00

K + M

Commute Series Volume I

New Releases from Iynges records in PVD. These are free! Also, check out the rest of the music on this label. Providence has a lot of hidden gems, and there are several right there!

Back to the Body Shoppe

2009-02-10T08:29:00.000-08:00

After a short bout of illness, I'm not fully recovered and ready to go back to work on the body projects. There are a few additions, a few changes, and of course, more art!

Next week I begin working on the electricity course. I'm excited to work on electronically controlled muscular contractions (the Huge Harry stuff I posted the picture on a bit back). I'm also excited that I will be able to start really researching and delving into the notions of pain from the 1970's. Stelarc, I'm coming for you!

The audio-speaker project is starting up again, and soon. I had to find a new supplier for hooks, as the ones I'd been testing with recently were not as comfortable as the ones I first had, so with any luck I'll have a new batch of hooks soon. Also, the needles I purchased last were, well... not so comfy either. Turns out that the length of the needle shaft is very important, as it can increase pain dramatically. I'm no stranger to nor am I afraid of pain, but I really don't need to make things more intense than they already are.

What else? Oh yeah. Turns out you can do a lot of damage internally with certain audio frequencies, so I am definitely going to stick with the 'bowed string' model I'd initially discussed until I know exactly what frequencies will and will not mess me up internally. I've also figured out a non-invasive testing model for resonance, which will be my new mode of testing rather than going up on hooks as I originally planned. As much as I love going up, I like the idea of non-hook testing modes. So the obvious solution? Kavadi spears! Yes, you hear me right, kavadi spears. They are wonderfully resonant, bowable, and will make lovely test subjects.

It looks like the first major public performance will be in late March, Early April (Right on target with my initial estimates!). I'll keep you posted.

On other news, I have two releases that will be coming out this friday, so check back then when I post the press release!

Autumn Films

2009-01-25T19:35:00.000-08:00

Video compression isn't fabulous on the second video, but the audio turned out great on both. Enjoy!

Release!

2009-01-05T07:09:00.001-08:00

Octagrammatic segments is being re-released this year via mysterycabal.com.

This is a duet project with my good friend, Denver based artist Brandon Viccaro. I am, of course, playing theremin in this recording. You can listen to it here:

http://www.myspace.com/slynbrandon

and if you are so inclined, you may purchase it for download here:

http://store.mysterycabal.com/process.php?pname=ShowAlbumProcess-Start&CategoryID=7¤cy=price.USD

Please enjoy the listen, and have a wonderful new year!

The Awesomest Cupcake Ever

2008-12-14T19:43:00.000-08:00

This was designed by my friend tonight as we baked cupcakes together. The cupcake is an apricot almond cupcake with an apricot glaze, and of course, a hand made marzipan hook.

Thanks G! It's the awesomest (She also designed some amazing marzipan crabs, spiders, octopi and flies. Nothing says winter holidays like bugs!)

The Body Electric

2008-12-14T10:34:00.000-08:00

image of Huge Harry from http://artifacial.org/assets/images/hh_in_slovenia_s.jpg

So next semester, basically every course I would have ever taken is offered. From Electrical body art (Huge Harry, STELARC) to Light art (Damnit! I teach the second night of that course!), it's all happening. I'm going to do an independent study in Wave Field Synthesis that will include building a speaker system, and I'm thinking my third class will be a mobile media course. It's going to be a nutty semester, to be sure!

But yeah, this body electric class, it is going to rock, I mean, SHOCK, my world! So yeah, I'll take lots of pictures and post them from the class.

Project Update(s)

2008-12-12T12:35:00.001-08:00

I've had to slow down on the body work projects for a little while. Testing was to begin this weekend, but due to some unforeseen circumstances I've had to take a little break from it. I should be back up and running with suspension in the first week of January... details of which will be posted when I have them. In the interim, I'll be working with a woodworker in NYC to test my body for resonant nodes the same way you would test wood- by hooking my body up to a large vibrating machine and see where sand settles on it. I'm hoping when we rig this up we can videotape it. Somehow, the visual idea of this is too wonderful to not video. Somehow I think we need to rig this up to be something gorgeous rather than what it will be- a mythbusters style video. Eh... testing is testing. Musicians are never great with aesthetic anyhow, right?

Onto other things of note: Within the next month I'll have two full length recordings come out online. (What is a full length online recording anyway? I am stuck with the notions of EP, LP and CD formats for timing.) One will be of my as-of-yet nameless duet project, and the second will be a solo release. All of this is "in situ" and I will post here accordingly once it is all public.

What else can be mentioned? Where else am I behind in work? Ah yes... still putting together the tour, gathering materials and getting ready for hopefully two short Seattle trips for the new dance piece. I also have a piece to put together for the Boston Cyber Arts Festival now, which will be a solo project for me (go figure) and who knows what else. With the CyberArts festival I'll be able to test the tech for the Seattle show, however, so that is good.

Last but not least, get ready for some invasive and guerilla style mobile media dance projects this spring. I'm trying to put together a troupe who is willing to take the city by storm. Once I've got five or six nutters ready to take it on, I'll post some dates, times, and locations.

So, even though my posts have slowed, I'm still busy, and still working on all of this. I'll keep at least a weekly update for stuff for the next few weeks until I get the video and pictures back from the test runs of the suspension project.

Daily Bell Post

2008-12-11T18:17:00.000-08:00

My project for Daily Bell will be broadcast on the online radio show at free103point9 tomorrow at 12pm EST, and then will be archived at Brenda Hutchinson's Daily Bell Blog Archive. You should check it out, as well as the other amazing artists on this lineup. I'm really excited to have been a part of it.

The group I taught

2008-12-01T19:01:00.000-08:00

Another picture from Lanzarote

2008-12-01T15:11:00.000-08:00

This was a picture from the first night in Lanzarote, of me spinning poi. The photo was taken by Dan Kahn, for which I am very grateful that he has allowed me access to them.

Spinning there was, to say the least, one of the coolest places I've ever spun fire. I mean, seriously. On a lava flow, covered with lava rocks, able to see the ocean and an active volcano at once. Really, I could NOT have asked for a better gig. And, as I mentioned, my super rockstar students who were just simply AMAZING. I love them all so much.

Happy Thanksgiving

2008-11-26T05:45:00.000-08:00

This pretty much says it all.

Happy Thanksgiving, folks.

Spain

2008-11-17T11:24:00.000-08:00

I spent the last week in Lanzarote, Spain, teaching fire spinning, movement, sounding/vocalizations and learning gobs about suspension and body modifications. I went up, doing a four hook 'suicide' suspension. I'm very glad that I did, as the freak out was important to get through in private, without the additional concerns of making it art. I learned that I can dance while suspended, move quite a bit about (I really enjoy the position, as it allows a fair amount of movement options!) and really had a great time. I also learned that my two month wait time is not as necessary as I thought, and can move my testing and work to as quickly as once a week, but I think that every other to every three weeks is close enough. I learned a lot about hook placement, and, I've learned how to place hooks and have clothing on still (important for public performance!). I also know now that I am going to have to use frontal hook placement for maximum resonance (which is good in many ways, though I will admit it is a bit more painful than the back).

I truly enjoy going up, and it is wonderful to do. I only was up for about 35 minutes that time, as it was cold and my body was getting a bit stiff. I now know without a doubt that I love the project, love the process, and, most of all, get much pleasure from the whole experience.

Stills

2008-10-30T12:47:00.001-07:00

Stills from a new project:

Initiate movement by falling with tailbone recovery

2008-10-23T11:34:00.000-07:00

Forward motion through falling is a funny thing.

Today I got a bump about my opera. Rather, a cosmic(k) poke that said "Hey, remember me? I'm a project you love(d) and need to finish. In Seattle. Now." My choreographer called me today and asked about the opera material. He's trying to book a space for a 15 minute excerpt of the project in Seattle for a festival next summer. It's a major dance festival, and I am a bit a)overwhelmed and b)excited.

Today I received many emails about the movement workshop I am running in Lanzerote, Spain in two weeks. I cannot wait, and it will be lovely to be there, provided the equipment that was ordered for students arrives at the Villa. Perhaps I should work out a virtual fire spinning program in Jitter today just in case, and bring a video projector and speakers to work out a compromise.

Yesterday my website was relaunched. It looks lovely, and I can't wait to put on the new materials over the next few weeks.

And finally, ANR is coming along well. It will be a 'pillow music' event. Turns out that listening via bone conduction is easier with surface contact.

Four Days and Two Weeks Ago...

2008-10-20T22:49:00.000-07:00

It's been over two weeks since I played the show with my coworker and his drummer. Today I finally got to listen to the session, and wow! It was really great. The show seemed so strange when we played it, very surreal. Somehow, we managed to become a very trio of studio musicians. Not quite Air Supply, however, we did manage to have a really awesome powerhouse of rhythm section going on.

I've still not seen nor heard the new work for box, hopefully that will come out soon.

Creative energies are high this week. I played with a friend tonight, and, it was definitely a strange little set we did, but totally fun and totally worth it. I feel like my music is becoming more 'solid' and am very happy to be getting back into a regular practice of playing. All of that aside, I am finding my limits a bit quickly, and need to fix that- either by pushing the limits of the "expanded Box" or by getting something else to play. I'm highly tempted to return to oboe playing. Though it has been almost 7 years, I'm hoping to start up again soon- will ask to see if I can borrow one from work until I can find a new one to play. Really, I miss playing notes, or, at least, miss being able to 'chime in' on riffs and such. Then again, it is nice to have my total autonomy. I always did best in the rhythm section, you know?

The box continues to eat me alive. I have no more finger nails, and they are worn off behind line where the free edge of my finger nails meet the nail plate. I need to walk down to the pet store and get the accessories I need in order to play the box properly— I have another rehearsal on Friday. I love it. It is a wonderful release.

Prep for the concert next week is this Wendesday. It will be fun.

Forward Motion

2008-10-13T06:53:00.000-07:00

This has been, to say the least, very productive weekend.

Friday night, after the recital with the Box, I did the write up for my upcoming concert on October 29th. Originally, I wanted to title it "City Mouse", but found after doing a web search on the name that there were just too many groups called City Mouse. Sitting there thinking things over, I had the perfect name for this project, well, all of the projects I'm currently working on, really, and settled on the name "Autonomic Nervous Response". Yeah, I know, it is terribly mid to late 90's noise sounding, but it seems to work. It may change, and it probably will simply become the bracket for the project. In any case, it seems to work for now.

The project write up for the concert in two and a half weeks:

Autonomic Nervous Response (ANR) is an ongoing project that explores extreme states of body interaction with sound. In this "open door" concert/installation, ANR explores the limits and boundaries of sound for the listener by bypassing the hearing mechanism listening experience by pushing sound directly into the body using frequency control and volume.

The concert focuses on body induced hearing. Should be fun!

2 am post show update...

2008-10-10T23:36:00.001-07:00

It is 2.36 am, and I got in from my show a little under a half hour a go. The box, as usual, was a hit. As soon as I get the documentation back, I'll share it. And, as usual, I am ambivolant. Moments of joy: wardrobe malfunctions. Moments of badness: not taking the show 'far enough'. No, that isn't related to the wardrobe malfunction, just that I wasn't all into the performance tonight.

But, I did decide something tonight. I want to start a tradition of people coming to my home for post-show ethiopian and/or vegan fare. I made some kick-ass ethiopian food after getting back home tonight, it was amazing, and was sad to have few to share it with. I need to get my food reputation back, for things other than cupcakes (I'm trying to cut down on the amount of deserts I make per month).

I'm going to offer that tomorrow night, who knows what the fare will be. If you are around, join me!

Autumn

2008-10-05T15:08:00.000-07:00

It finally has turned to autumn. It is cool today, beautiful and gray. I love days like this. They are perfect for making music or hiking alone. They are also good for cooking- something I did a fair amount of today.

Having spent all day writing a Max patch- it took a lot of time to get one little aspect working, and now I am onto the next portion of the patch I need to write. I am realizing that though I am enjoying playing noise lately, I will be playing something quite 'pretty' this coming Friday. I look forward to it very much, though I must admit intentionally pretty music makes me overly self conscious. I prefer my traditionally beautiful music to be buried under layers of noise, or, barring that, interrupted by it often.

I played in a concert on Friday night, and when I get the video documentation back, I will make sure to post an excerpt of it here. It was a wonderful show, and I am grateful to my friend who played with me that evening to set it up. It went well, and, the feedback I have gotten has been entirely positive.

I suppose the last thing to say about autumn is that it is one of my favorite times of year because it is the time when I get a little more creative, and get to take my time working on things, creating new music and playing shows. Soon it will be winter, and I'll be back in full production mode. Cold weather influences my work quite a bit. This winter I do hope to be able to make some really good quality recordings of snow falling. It is one of my favorite sounds, to be sure.

Critical Listening Evening.

2008-10-01T22:06:00.000-07:00

Duo(Duet) project is going well. We managed to try some stuff last week that may or may not be 'good' but it was fun to make and lots of fun to listen to. Commodification of an improvisatory practice is a bit, well, difficult. How do you take something that is supposed to be about the moment and extend it into a 'snapshot' and give it a concrete identity?

Recording is a lie. I looked at the sound file while listening (bad idea) and thought "Oh, I can cut that out, nip here, cut there" and voilá!* we have a product worth keeping. Of course, with careful editing I am sure we can make this a great 'product'. I hate commodification. I hate music that is nothing but lies, unless, of course, the point is to be a lie. Perhaps that is the clue I am to have here? It is the point to be a lie. "when we lie, we lie together all the time" (Anything box... maybe they meant lay in bed and not lie as in this is all a lie. Whatever. I have never been good at narrative). The point in all of this being, maybe we are supposed to lie in this project/product. Why not lie?

Maybe it will be like my show this coming Friday, where I will be "glitzed out" and in my show clothes. Ah... show clothes. This year, there will be a feature of some kind of boot (yes, yes, typical) and who knows what else. I promise a club pix spectacular, though I can't beat last years "Wife beater suprise". Me in anything showy is a lie. I do love a good lie.

Or maybe I should just call it fictional narrative?

*in honor of you, Mr. Roads, I do that for you...

Plans within plans

2008-09-29T11:28:00.001-07:00

To take place in early or Mid November. This will be a semi-private event, by invitation only.

Score:

Players:

one suspension artist

one musician

Support crew:

Fire tender

Safety spotter (who can tie ropes, handle bleeding and call 911)

Equipment needed:

two 8 gauge needles

two 8 gauge hooks

two fishing lure spinners (heavy weight)

Cable/rope with 200lb break point minimum

two lengths of piano wire

Single Tree rope and pully rig

rope tie anchor

audio recorder/4 channel portable studio system

microphone(s)

including contact mic

video recorder

Bow and other various sundries for playing piano wire

Time frame for performance:

afternoon set up fire, equipment, prep suspension artist

Duration of actual 'performance': 1hour or more, depending on tolerance of artist.

Directions for the suspension:

Artist will "walk up the tree" by placing feet on tree and using pully system as a harness system. At comfortable height for player (Waist hight of musician playing strings) artist will then assume a "plank" posture and suspend flat with feet planted on tree. Saw horses will be on hand to act as supports if needed for resting. Actual suspension will last approximately 20 minutes, so sound testing will take place before hand using pulls.

disambiguation

2008-09-26T15:43:00.001-07:00

Thursday night was the first night I'd played any music since last Friday. It was, to say the least, intense.

This entire process has been a continual stripping away. The actual stripping away and peeling away and evaluating my art on a 'what is necessary' level began in 2002, but the body aspect began in ernest only 4 years ago. But the intensity has changed over the years, and, I realize now, that this process is ongoing. The process is the art, and it is not really explanatory. What I am also realizing is that this process effects others as well, not just me. Lets start with the music part:

When I play with other musicians, it is as though we enter into a really strange little contract. There is a certain amount of trust that is going on, a trust that we will follow each other (or not) and take care of ourselves(or disappear), give support if that is best (or not) and, in the end, be okay with the outcome, for good or ill. To play with someone is to accept the absolute possiblity of failure. Sure, most of the time, the worst is an apathetic response of "eh, it was alright", much like a bad date that you decided to go just a little to far with; "eh, I don't regret it, but, I won't be asking them out again." And sometimes, you just try an experiment on stage that just doesn't work. Sometimes, though, sometimes you get lucky, and it just works. It just flows.

Thursday night was an interesting night of music, to say the least. It was a beepwhrr night, to be sure, and I was generating a storm of sine tones unlike any I'd made in the past. I was no longer after pure tone, clear and traveling. I was interested in beat, and rumble, and breaking up stagnation through persistence. I was playing to match texture, and pitch, and, where necessary, break that idea up a bit. I had intentended to combine it with the Box, but, given my abdominal bruising at the moment that was a bit uncomfortable to play, to say the least. No dampening of sounds, not to mention not being able to use my forearms in playing— it was just a bit too much to deal with at the moment. So I played laptop with a few scratches on the box from time to time, and my duo- my duo went new places. It was, to say the least, persistant.

Friday morning I listened to it. A little reminescent of Rapoon, Scanner, and other ambient musics overly influenced by industrial music of the mid to late '90's, though it was still nice. I am usually against documentation, this particular project was still good- a lot of the intense energy we had generated actually translated through in the recording. This brings me back to my point- some times, when the music is right and the team is right, it is just on. Last night, it was on, and, it was different. I am so very happy to have a marker for this moment, this moment of sonic clarity. They are rare, moments when we speak clearly without the ego and without the garbage. I'm happy that it was recorded, if for no other reason than there were no lies in what I played last night.

Was noch?

2008-09-22T16:20:00.000-07:00

So, what is next?

Well, the test run was a success. I plan on waiting two months (at least) until my next pull or suspension, as I need to process the event psychologically and physically. I also need to work on the technical aspects of the sound devices. The next run will be with piano string (I have some wonderful bass range piano wire on hand from an old Steinway just for this purpose). I need to do some reevaluation of the project itself and do a bit more actual planning. Now that I know I can do it, I need to really sit down and make sure everything is possible, and everything is go. I am also going to be finding a good 'ground crew', so I'm going to have to interview people, talk with them, work out the details, as well as talk with a few medical personell.

In the meantime, what will be the fate of this blog? It will continue, as the overall project itself, the continual evaluation, construction and questioning of each aspect of my art, life and spiritual practice will not end simply because I am in a period of waiting and planning. In some ways, it is the fact that I must work so slowly, so meticulously, that the suspension project is so astounding. I can't just throw this project together. Each piece must be exactly in place and ready to go at the exact right time, or it will not come together at all. This is not my usual working practice, to be sure (though I have a fairly serious obsessive-compulsive disorder, my performance practice does not). So I will plan, evaluate, procure equipment, test equipment (with the exception of the hooks, of course. Those can only be tested every few weeks or so as I feel as though I should let my body rest between sessions).

This week I'll post a bit about the experience, little musings and occasional memories from the event itself. Even looking through the posts I made last week, I've noticed that my suppositions are not entirely correct, and that I have many different thoughts now.

I think the most important is that pain is simply not a factor in this project (thankfully). I mean, yeah, it exists, but there is no pain that is really worth mentioning. Secondly, the outlook on the body is very different than I thought it might be, which is delightful. There is more, but I am still processing the event. Oh yeah, that is the other thing. The event itself was profound, and really, extremely, important. Unlike a lot of ritual stuff, and much more like performance, the event itself was important- it was the most important thing. Unlike a lot of rituals that have rote learned actions that have vague outcomes, a suspension is more like performing in that you prep, practice, educate and evaluate and then when the time comes, there is instantaneous gratification for what you do. It is so beautiful.

score

2008-09-22T05:54:00.000-07:00

Objects needed/packed in:

four 8 mm piercing needles, autoclaved
four 8 mm tuna hooks, autoclaved
24 feet orange 8mm polypropoline rope
vinyl gloves
nextcare gel
weights (acquired on site)
lantern

Format followed :

Two hooks in arms; test run with pull on tree
sound test one
two hooks in lower chest/upper belly; lean back/pull against tree
sound test two
addition of weights to arms, leaving cable on tree
final sound, four cables

Durations:

test run; arms: 20-30minutes
belly test run: 10-20 minutes
full gear run: 40-50 minutes

total time actualized:

1 hour 20 minutes, not including prep.

What is the similarity between an experimental artist and tuna?

2008-09-21T05:28:00.000-07:00

I sat on the ground next to her, and she handed me two beautiful 8 gauge hooks. The were about two and a half inches long, and had small loops at the end to run cable through. I couldn't put them down, they were beautiful beyond belief. We had agreed that we would do this ritual at sunset, and I would pull into the night, through twilight.

Finding the tree was easy, but strange. We picked a beautiful grove, but I could not use any of the trees I really felt compelled to because the ground was too terribly unstable. We settled on a shiny beautiful tree across a small brook. I would be standing on marshy ground, but it would be somewhat flat. She went in and put the cable on the tree, beautiful and orange against the dark gray bark. It was so pretty I couldn't help but say something.

She stood and said it was time to find a place to sit. I found a small rock (not the one I was attracted to, but chosen out of convenience). She prepped me a bit, gave me a bit of protocol, and threw in the first hook into my right arm. It wasn't bad at all, so she went into my left. It hurt a bit more, but, once she was done and the hooks in place, I was so very happy. I could not stop smiling. (Did I mention when she told me earlier in the day she had multiple hooks and gauges for me to choose from I did an uncontrollable little girl hop and dance?) It was perfect. We went to the tree, and she cabled me into it, giving me lots of slack because she knew I liked movement, and would not be content to simply stand in place leaning back.

Leaning back the first time I was terrified. It was not that I didn't trust her, I just didn't trust my skin- I did not know its strength. Yes, I knew perfectly well in theory that it is possible to suspend the full weight of the body on the skin alone, but this wasn't someone else, this was me. I didn't know what to do, what to think. Eventually I relaxed a little bit, and she left to go to the main camp to get the second set of hooks for my chest.

She returned after a while, I am not sure how long. I did a fair amount of singing, and it was still somewhat light out. She took me down and placed the hooks in my chest. It is an odd sight, to look down and see that. The brain wants to freak out, but you just can't. There is a strange relationship between ecstasy and revulsion. The hooks were not level (by design, not accident) and she tied me back up. When it came time to lean back, I had to try different postures to reach a level of semi comfort. I found the most balanced angle and leaned back. After I relaxed a little bit —I mean very much a little bit. The pain was minimal- in fact, the entire experience was much less painful than I thought it would be— she ran her fingernail across the cable. I could feel the movement of the sound in my skin, my bones, and, most of all, I could feel the air movement in my lungs change. I could feel the air from one side of my lungs when it moved forward to back, propelled by the vibration of the sound. It was amazing to feel the actual different rates of speed at which sound moves through objects directly in my body (this is what classes should be like — talk about kinesthetic learning!).

At this point, I think it is important to bring up the fact that I am Vegan. Where I am very much compassionate towards animals, I also do not think it is my place to dictate to others what they should eat, but that we should have total compassionate living. I also believe that if you are to eat meat, you must, at some point early on in your development, be required to kill, skin and prepare your own "animal" dinner (yes, I did this at one point in my life.) The second thing I need to point out is that I am, to be sure, the kind of person who has to joke and be a wise alec all of the time. There were few points in this entire evening where I did not stop and laugh, make jokes, and generally have a delightful and wonderful experience. (I've never been good at 'sacred', and, a very good Native American friend of mine always teases me in ritual settings for being what he sees as a clown... good ritual has good levity in my book — then again, few see the humor in my music, either.)

Once I had settled to the hooks, she told me they were tuna hooks, for deep sea fishing. It was that point that I realized that in my weird world view that you had to have total empathy and understanding for an animal before you could consider eating it stopped and said "Wait. That means I can eat tuna now!!!"

It was shortly after this that we began to discuss our next meeting (yes, I was still up and moving and having a great time) that she played with the cable, using other sound making objects when we started talking about piano wire, bass strings and other primary resonant objects, to begin stage two of the project, having a musician play the strings that I am suspended from.

So, what does this all mean?

Turns out, you can tune an experimental musician and tuna fish.

Radio Silence

2008-09-19T04:55:00.001-07:00

Morning ritual:

Wake, wash and cut vegetables and fruit.

carrots

kale

ginger

lemon

apple

grape

make enough juice to last me the day. Prepare camping equipment. Post blog.

Leave offerings for ancestors.

Pack enough rope for the tent. I never leave my house without a piece of rope, but today is gratuitous, even for me.

charge ipod

pack white shirt to wear after.

I will return on Sunday, and write then.

Morning 2 of Fast

2008-09-17T15:27:00.004-07:00

Breakfast, juice consisting of:

Ginger

Apple

Grape

I've fasted before. This time it is different. It's always easier to fast when you have an actual reason to. I've never done well with your general detox fast, unless I am totally stressed out and trying to stop the migraines and other ailments from taking over. This time is different- I have a concrete goal, a desire to succeed. I know that I should be working on other projects this week, focusing on the mountains of reading I have to do by November 15, fixated on the notion that I just have to get through this week, and then I can focus on work. This isn't exactly true- somehow, this weekend I need to read 600 pages or so of Neuroscience, Acoustics and anatomy texts and be prepared to discuss them by Tuesday of next week.

The second day is always my favorite. There is a weird sort of reaction that happens in my head, when I hit a point and am no longer hungry and my head tells me that food is an addiction, and like all addictions it can be conquered.

When I was a body piercer, I used to never work on people who hadn't eaten that day, knowing that 9 out of 10 people would have serious shock type symptoms after a piercing. I am beginning to wonder what the benefits are of fasting before hand. A friend of mine says it is about less bleeding, and then I realized his idea of a fast includes no water. No, I think it is so that the spiritual aspects of this particular suspension artist (the woman at the helm, guiding me on my journey) are fulfilled. I remind myself that this is a simple little thing, nothing major.

The thing about anything like this is this: It is never the event itself that is important. What is truly important is the information, the flow,and the direction leading into it, and the subsequent journey out of it. It is not the means of the transmission, but the overall effect on the person after the fact. Yes, for the onlooker, it is the event that matters. This morning I have Marshal McLuhan in my head saying over and over "the medium is the message" and want to ask him exactly what he means by that. Well, I suppose that is true, as my body is the medium, and, in the end, the overall impact is on my own body perception, and wondering if I can see beyond the body or if it is something that cannot be gone beyond.

A few weeks ago I was playing music with a friend of mine. His love for what he did was so apparent, so pure. He reminded me why I started making music, how I used to be so angry when people would address my work purely in terms of the body. I have allowed the world to dictate the use of my body, and perhaps this is one means in which I can reclaim it. I am not sure. I am not sure that reclaiming or if offering it entirely to art is my goal. Personally, I want to see what is beyond the body, beyond the gloves, beyond the objects that we touch and see. So many approach this idea by going head on into denial, avoiding any interaction, reaction, contact with the body. Denial, abstinence, these things have never been a strong suit of mine. I believe that going into this fully, taking on the body full force, may yield some interesting results. Of course, everyone when they hear suspension goes immediately to StelArc and other artist who work with electricity (Huge Harry), but that really isn't necessarily what I am after. Maybe it is, only time, research, and practice will tell.

Back

2008-09-17T15:27:00.003-07:00

Many years ago I had a decent sized scarification piece done on my back. It was done with a 'cutting' method, the design cut into my body and then ash, lye and color smeared into it as a poultice and left to sit on my back for three days. It smelled like death as it sat there, my own blood putrefying over the scar. In needs a touch up, but I'm hesitant to do so. I will, but I just don't know when or how, as it is, I only know of one artist in the world who uses the technique done to me and she doesn't do this type of work any longer.

That was my first major 'ordeal' ritual, or rather, the first one that was marked by concrete spirituality and sound. I remember the day, the design, everything so clearly. I was called four days before it would happen "Hey, RG is coming to town on Saturday. Want to get a cutting?" I said yes, and then agonized for the next three days as to what it would be. I knew it had to have three lines in it. That was what I knew. Eventually the design as it stands now came to mind- a symbol that is deeply enriched in my musical and artistic practice. I remember when I got it done thinking "wait, what if I decide I want to do video instead? I just made a contract with my soul to do music for the rest of my life!" For years, when I would step on stage it would burn. Now it only burns when I want to leave art. Fortunately that rarely happens.

The day it was done, I sat down in the chair. There were 6 people in the room- each of us queer, and with our current partners. One male couple, two female couples. When she started the pain was intense, and the only thing I knew to do was to sing. We were listening to Lisa Gerrard's "Duality" and I sang my own little made up song as my then partner crouching in front of me, holding my hands. My song was to the universe. I went far and wide, journey meditation taking me out so far that I was amazed when I came back to my body- just in time for a horrible phenomenon called "touch up". I sang for probably 35 minutes or so, and the whole process took almost an hour. It was intense, and it hurt like hell.

I find it fitting that with the exception of one body modification, all of mine have been sound or art related. In the end, it is always sound that motivates me. Even with textures and my tactile nature- it is always about the sound that the texture produces, not about the texture under my hands, my skin. There is nothing in this world for me that sound is not a part of. It is so integrated into my daily practice that I don't often think about it. But recently, that changed, and sound has become prominent again. I am grateful for that, so very happy that sound has been thrust to the forefront. Happy that I can honor past contracts with my body and my art.

Ictus

2008-09-17T15:27:00.002-07:00

"You can hear through your connective tissues."

She says this to me as she prepares to leave, having spent the day in my house. We spent hours talking tech, swapping equipment, stories. I gave her some of my favorite sensor material (a lovely stretch band) and she gave me this thought. "You can hear through your connective tissues."

I had contemplated suspension for a full year and a half at this point. I'd been training, trying to get my body in 100% perfect shape for it (running, fasting, running, climbing, hiking, meditating) but one night I looked at a picture of it and thought "No. chance. in . hell." Then she had to come along, giving me this tasty morsel of idea. I could listen through the tissue that connects my skin to my muscle. It was that point, that exact moment in time, when my art, my spirituality and my lifestyle collided to the point that they would eventually have to become inseparable.

How I got into the idea of suspension is a vastly different story, one of broken hearts and betrayal, one that is so long and convoluted it isn't even worth mentioning any more, except to say it happened, and, in training to do this I found a way out of the pain and grief that I had. Spending two years exercising, training, getting ready to go up, the chance came, and I am taking it. First we find out if I can take it, then, then we find out if I am resonant. If I am, if I can get my bones, my flesh, my muscle to sing, then, then we will have something beautiful. Something complete.

Introductions, Explanations

2008-09-17T15:27:00.000-07:00

Today is day one of the preparatory fast. Friday night, at dusk (about this time Friday, I realize now) I will be starting the next leg of a journey that I started on 3 years ago. I will be doing a major ordeal ritual outside, and will be suspended by metal hooks. This is a private event, and, there will be a lot that I won't be able to formulate into words. But this is okay, as it really isn't for everyone to know about.

So why, you ask, am I writing a public blog about the experience?

I am making this process public because eventually this (hopefully) will become a part of my larger art practice. Well, in that since, it already has, as it has taken me three years to get to the point of being able to even start the testing phase. The first test in this portion of the project is simple: Can I do this? Can I bring such intense pain into my art practice and still create and generate art?

So maybe I should back up a bit, and over the next few days discuss the background of why, and how, I wound up doing such a strange and crazy thing. It started a little over three years ago, when my life fell apart (as I saw it), and, as I have managed to rediscover and redevelop myself over years of work, I find myself ready for this next transitional step, one of questioning the total reality of what my friends affectionately call "the meat puppet".

The second point of address is the title of this blog, Chrysalis Void Mind. What a pompous title, no? I think so. But the idea of transformation is wrapped in the idea of the chrysalis, and the best part of a chrysalis is that it may or may not actually survive the process. In addition, it is a process that must be undertaken alone. Unlike a chrysalis, I have had a lot of pointers and helpers on the way of my absolute personal transformation that I'm working on. I admit this freely, and am grateful for the help I've gotten. But in the end, the work is internal. As to Void Mind, well, that has been the goal all along, with each step (and will continue even after this weekend, which in all honesty is a very small step, simply a key point on a larger journey). No mind, void mind... this is similar, but not the same. To be void one encompasses everything, and, at the same time, nothing. It is a paradox, the paradox of a black hole. This is my internal goal, the one I strive every day to reach. I flounder from time to time, forgetting things like "void can have no attachments" and such (that is the hardest part, remembering that I cannot afford to keep attachments to people, things, places and so on) but the universe is self correcting, and I find that when I try to make attachments they often go away on their own. I am terribly blessed by a universe that keeps me on my personal/internal mission.

So wait, how does all of this blathering apply to art? Well, I decided that because my music and art is intentionally a practice of obliterating obstacles and trying new things and trying to not make attachments and letting everything go, then my life should be this as well. I am not to be separate from my art. My art cannot be outside of me, nor me outside of it. In addition, there is a concept that we are our truth, and that truth is something that exists beyond "the meat puppet" as it were- that beyond our chemical makeup, telling us to love and lust, be happy, be sad, that all of these are chemicals. Art primarily comes from these concepts, and we judge our arts often on the merit of what pleases the meat puppet. So for me, my life, and my art, is to see if it is possible to extend beyond the meat puppet and reach an actual truth.

So this begins here, and I will slowly work through the history, tell of events, and continue the process of this art online. Part catharsis, part process, part confession, and possibly fiction.