Back

Many years ago I had a decent sized scarification piece done on my back.  It was done with a 'cutting' method, the design cut into my body and then ash, lye and color smeared into it as a poultice and left to sit on my back for three days.  It smelled like death as it sat there, my own blood putrefying over the scar.  In needs a touch up, but I'm hesitant to do so.  I will, but I just don't know when or how, as it is, I only know of one artist in the world who uses the technique done to me and she doesn't do this type of work any longer.

That was my first major 'ordeal' ritual, or rather, the first one that was marked by concrete spirituality and sound.  I remember the day, the design, everything so clearly.  I was called four days before it would happen "Hey, RG is coming to town on Saturday.  Want to get a cutting?"  I said yes, and then agonized for the next three days as to what it would be.  I knew it had to have three lines in it.  That was what I knew.  Eventually the design as it stands now came to mind- a symbol that is deeply enriched in my musical and artistic practice.  I remember when I got it done thinking "wait, what if I decide I want to do video instead?  I just made a contract with my soul to do music for the rest of my life!"  For years, when I would step on stage it would burn.  Now it only burns when I want to leave art.  Fortunately that rarely happens.  

The day it was done, I sat down in the chair.  There were 6 people in the room- each of us queer, and with our current partners.  One male couple, two female couples.  When she started the pain was intense, and the only thing I knew to do was to sing.  We were listening to Lisa Gerrard's "Duality" and I sang my own little made up song as my then partner crouching in front of me, holding my hands.  My song was to the universe.  I went far and wide, journey meditation taking me out so far that I was amazed when I came back to my body- just in time for a horrible phenomenon called "touch up".   I sang for probably 35 minutes or so, and the whole process took almost an hour.  It was intense, and it hurt like hell.  

I find it fitting that with the exception of one body modification, all of mine have been sound or art related.  In the end, it is always sound that motivates me.  Even with textures and my tactile nature- it is always about the sound that the texture produces, not about the texture under  my hands, my skin.  There is nothing in this world for me that sound is not a part of. It is so integrated into my daily practice that I don't often think about it.  But recently, that changed, and sound has become prominent again.  I am grateful for that, so very happy that sound has been thrust to the forefront. Happy that I can honor past contracts with my body and my art.